We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was CRYING into my vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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