I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
