Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think my vagina is haunted
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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