Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
