Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
