It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bring me that man meat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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