cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
