i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
