what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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