Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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