Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
