he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
