Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
