Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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