I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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