Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
why is half of my head shaved?
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