Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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