Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
