thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
