come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Let's paint friendship bongs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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