I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
