is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
