I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
