He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In America we eat man semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
