Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I should be sponsored by Trojan
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
