WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
