When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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