gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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