Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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