Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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