MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ate ashes out of my bong
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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