It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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