It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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