I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
