I skipped work to stalk him.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wish there were birth control emojis
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
