I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
