I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
