got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
