Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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