Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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