you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
