remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
