I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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