you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
