so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
