He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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