you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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