no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
