i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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