Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
