he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
