I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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