Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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