I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
